Sunday, November 23, 2003

As many of you know, I have chickens in my backyard. As well as two basset hounds. I think a couple of kids live out there as well.... Anyways, as you might imagine, sometimes dogs and chickens don't mix. To the tune of Benny killing 5 chickens over the last month. My parents got tired of this, as you might imagine...My mom suggested that we tie the neck of one chicken around Benny's neck; this would surely get rid of his urges. My father, however, comes up with a better idea...He takes the 5th chicken by the neck, and proceeds to beat Benny with said dead chicken. My dad beat my dog with a dead chicken. Dear lord. Can you imagine seeing this? Damn.

Sunday, November 16, 2003

I have wasted all of today. Watching football, playing XBox, watching other tv, eating. For no reason. I had so much that I needed to do, yet none of it is due tomorrow...I hate this so much. Why must I procrastinate so incredibly much? Meh.

Wednesday, November 12, 2003

I, (state your name), solemly swear on Lori's Paradigm of Uncertainty, The Show That Never Ends, and The Hero with a Thousand Faces, to spread the word of the Great Pumpkin, be on constant alert for Geeky Pumpkin Pie Moments, and fight the blasphmey of the Ents with reasoned, canonical debate. I shall remain loyal to the Great Pumpkin and its word, searching for its truth in everything that JKR says or writes. By this, I shall strive to become worthy to associate with the Great Pumpkin.

Apparently, this is how you join Jim McDumbass's Harry Potter Pedophilia Club.

Tuesday, November 11, 2003

I hear many female voices in my head. In fact, the only male voice
in my head is my own. There's Holle, telling me to take it easy and
get some creative writing done, there's Erin, urging me deeper,
bingblot, who is the voice of my inner Pumpkin, and my mother, who is
the psychotic, driven-to-kill voice, full of hate and rage. But no
conscience voice. If I found one, I'd snog her senesless and then
shag her brains out. I know what it means.

The Pumpkin patch has never been so beautiful.

thephotoman...aka, Jim McfuckingCormick. Psycho, anyone?

Sunday, November 09, 2003

Inside you, boy,
There's an old man sleepin',
Dreamin', waitin' for his chance.
Inside you, girl,
There's an old lady dozin',
Wantin' to show you a slower dance.

So keep on playin',
Keep on runnin',
Keep on jumpin', 'til the day
That those old folks
Down inside you
Wake up...and come out to play.

The Folks Inside, Shel Silverstein

Thursday, November 06, 2003

There's nothing like the insanity of Rob Zombie and the striking beauty of bagpipes to keep you up at 2 in the morning...better than coffee! Bet Parag hates me now, though...

Tuesday, November 04, 2003

The remembrance of a kiss can be at times more painful than a jagged blade, yet sweeter than pure honey. Trust me on this.

Monday, November 03, 2003

A Teacher's Lament

Let me see if I've gotten this right:

You want me to go into that room with all those kids and fill their every waking moment with a love for learning. Besides that I am to instill in them a sense of pride in their ethnicity, use behavior modification to eliminate disruptive behavior, and observe them for signs of abuse. I am to fight racism and the war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, check their backpacks for guns, and raise their self-esteem and level of patriotism. I am to teach them good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, how and where to register to vote, how to balance a checkbook and how to apply for a job... but I am never to ask if they are in this country illegally. I am to check their heads occasionally for lice, maintain a safe learning environment, recognize signs of potential antisocial behavior, offer advice, write letters of recommendation for student employment and scholarships, encourage cultural diversity, and, oh yeah, TEACH... always making sure that I give the girls in my class exactly fifty percent of my attention and never, ever giving a grade below B.

I am required by contract to work on my own time (summers and evenings) and at my own expense towards additional certification, advanced certification and a master's degree, and to sponsor the club of my choice after school on my own time (when I should be grading papers and taking care of my family responsibilities). I am to attend committee and faculty meetings and participate in staff development training to maintain my current certification and employment status. I am to be a paragon of virtue and appear larger than life so that my very presence will awe my students into being obedient and respectful of authority. I am to purchase supplies, room decorations, bulletin board supplies, supplies for children who cannot afford them, and "luxury" items such as scissors, glue, scotch tape, paper clips, note book paper, red pens, and markers with my own money as the money that might be used for this purpose has been spent sending large numbers of administrators & board members to conferences in places like Hawaii or the south of France.

To do this the District gives me a room with intermittent heat in the winter and no air conditioning in the summer, a few books copyrighted in 1965, boards, and erasable markers, a starting salary that qualifies my family for food stamps in many states, and calls me greedy when I seek a fair raise . . .

. . . but it's O.K. because it's my "calling!"

Yeah. Right.

You see, sometimes people don't understand the difficulty behind all of this AND showing children the functions of a cell. I deeply, deeply feel for those who don't. I am going to love teaching, as I already do, but sometimes it is just too much when people think that I am a slouch not living up to my full potential. This is my path, and I shall be happy nontheless!

This should get some good comments at least....

Children are not simply empty vessels for us to fill...they come to us full of experiences, both good and bad. How sad it is that some teachers do not understand this....and that even more people think that they know better than the teachers. Because of course this is something that everyone can do....

Sunday, November 02, 2003

So this red light on my printer is blinking, telling me that it wants more ink. Damn, it's annoying. Because I'm sitting here trying to think, and this damned light is laughing at my ass constantly. And won't stop. Dammit, your ink's in the mail, stupid printer!

Also, my last few posts have all started with "so." Take that, English class!

So today the comic I saw had an intriguing talent. You remember the lame, lame Chucky Cheese characters that "played" music up on this crappy stage? The ones with the eyeball falling out, sparks flying from their necks? Yeah...so he impersonated them to a t. Scariest, creepiest crap I have ever seen. He just looks out at the audience, guitar in hand, and starts the scary. Damn.

In an unrelated story, I have recently realized that the Glittery Penguin has started up the most incredibly badass site in the world, www.thecougarweb.com. Become addicted.